


But I knew him

by lynnwrites



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Fluff, Johan Schmidt - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Misfits AU, My First Fanfic, Oblivious Steve, Peggy Carter - Freeform, Romance, Sarah Rogers - Freeform, Timeline, adult!Bucky, adult!Steve, brock rumlow - Freeform, freak storm, kid!Bucky, kid!steve, teen!Bucky, teen!Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4422797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnwrites/pseuds/lynnwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is six years old and lonely. No one wants to play with ‘li’l Stevie from down the road’. Mostly because he isn’t allowed to play outside, but that’s really beside the point.<br/>So one morning, when Steve is feeling very determined, he decides he’s going to make a new friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steven Grant Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is loosely based on an episode from Misfits, so if you kinda recognize the vague storyline, that's why.  
> Also, English is not my native language, so if you see any mistakes, just let me know :)
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely [Howdoyou-write](http://howdoyou-write.tumblr.com/), who is an excellent motivator, and never gets annoyed with my whining :))  
> Also, gamma'd by the lovely [Holahydra](http://holahydra.tumblr.com/), who is a precious li'l baguette.

**6**

 

Steven Grant Rogers is six years old. He would tell you the exact amount of days too, but that’s a little high to count. He’s proud of every day he’s here, just like his mom tells him. “Show ‘em what you’re made of.” she’d always say. And he would. If anyone bothered to look his way, that is.

Steve Rogers is six years old and lonely. No one wants to play with ‘li’l Stevie from down the road’. Mostly because he isn’t allowed to play outside, but that’s really beside the point. Steve has lots of toys inside the house. They could play with his army men, or read his comics or his books. They could play hide and seek, or play a board game. They could do lots of stuff! But nobody stays long enough to listen.

So one morning, when Steve is feeling very determined, he decides he’s going to make a new friend.

 

…

 

“Steven! Did you take your medicine?” his mother’s voice bellows downstairs.

“Yes, mom!” Steve calls back. He immediately regrets shouting when the cough rattles through him. He really should stop doing that.

He walks to his room, closes the door and pauses. “Bucky?” he asks, tentatively.

“What’s up, buddy?” Bucky walks out from behind him. “How was school today?”

“There you are! Okay, I guess. Miss Jenkins looked at me weird again,” Steve answers, remembering the sad look on her face. “I keep telling her I’m fine.”

“Of course you’re fine! It’s only ‘cause your best buddy wasn’t there with you!” Bucky smiles and grabs his shoulder. “She just doesn’t get it.”

“I know, but maybe if she sees you, she can finally leave me alone.”

He doesn’t like when Bucky looks at him like that. Like he feels bad for him.

“You know I can’t do that, buddy.”

“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

He can see Bucky’s eyes going over him, just like he does every day. He notices the exact moment Bucky spots the scrape on his knee.

“Stevie! What happened this time?” he asks, clearly annoyed.

“Nothing, Buck, I just fell on the sidewalk, it’s fine.” He doesn’t mention how much it actually hurt, but Bucky can read his face like no one else. He just hopes he doesn’t get that look again.

“Buddy… You want me to kiss it better?” he asks, with a smile on his face. “You know it heals better that way.”

“Sure, Buck. Try not to spit all over me this time?” He’s already smiling again. Bucky pecks him on the knee, just under the scrape, and makes a show of wiping his mouth.

“Come on, you wanna play with your army men?”

“Thanks, Bucky. But I’m pretty tired now, and I’ve gotta go to the doctor’s tomorrow. We’ll just read a story and go to bed?” Steve yawns and drags himself over to his bed.

“Sounds good, Stevie.” Bucky throws himself on top of the mattress and crawls next to Steve. “What are we reading?”

“You can choose, Buck.” He yawns again. “I’ll be out like a light in a few minutes anyway.”

His eyes keep closing while Bucky tells him the magnificent tales of Captain America.

“Night, Buck.” As always, he falls asleep like a rock, without waiting for the reply.

 

**10**

 

Steven Grant Rogers is 10 years and 42 days old. He can count a lot higher now. He’s never lonely. He has Bucky. Even when he has nothing, he always has Bucky.

 

…

 

He opens his eyes, and just as quickly, he closes them again. The bright lights hurt too much, so he waits a little while he adjusts.

“Bucky?” he whispers. “Are you here?”

“Honey, are you up? It’s mom. You’re in the hospital, Stevie, but you’re fine now.”

He tries opening his eyes again and takes in his surroundings. He can see he’s in a hospital room, with his mom in the chair next to his bed. The familiar machines beeping around him. He doesn’t remember how he got there though.

“What happened?” His throat hurts a little.

“Mr. Ross from two doors down says he saw you playing on the swings. And that suddenly you looked dizzy and fell down,” his mom says. “You could have hit your head, Steve! You know the swings are way too dangerous for you!”

He starts to remember a little now. Once a week, Bucky convinces him to go outside. Always on a Wednesday, because his mom works late then. Today, they went to the park. It’s the one time a week when he can pretend to be a normal kid, when he can pretend he’s not a fragile little boy. He couldn’t pretend for long.

“I was just having some fun. I never get to have any fun,” he says, pouting slightly.

“The day ‘having fun’ doesn’t mean rushing you to the hospital, you can have all the fun you want,” she says. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself. “I understand you want to go outside, sweetheart, but you know you could get hurt.”

When he sees the worry on her face, he looks away. It was a little dangerous, but that was the point. He was sick and tired of being sick and tired, “I’m sorry, mom. I promise I’ll be better.”

She stands up and kisses him on his forehead. “I'm going to go call work now. I had to leave all of a sudden, so I didn't have time to explain what had happened. Just rest a little more, sweetie.” She squeezes his hand before she walks out of the room.

Steve waits until she closes the door to whisper. “Buck?”

“Hey Stevie,” he hears as Bucky crawls from under the bed. He expects a big smile, but he’s surprised to see the worry in Bucky’s face. “How you feelin’?”

“I’m fine, Buck. I just got a little woozy. You know I get like that sometimes. I was just at the wrong place when it happened today.” He smiles, hoping to get Bucky smiling again.

“Your mom’s right, Stevie. You could have been seriously hurt or something! I don’t think we’ll play on the swings again.”

“But, Buck…” he starts.

“No buts, Stevie!” Bucky interrupts. “From now on, we’ll only play with our feet on the ground.”

Steve sighs and turns in the bed so he won’t have to look at Bucky. “I’m just so bored of everything, Buck.”

“I know, buddy, but we can do other stuff. I can tell you stories of Captain America again?”

Steve tries to stop the smile creeping up. “Get up here, jerk. And only ‘cause I’m sick, okay?”

“Got it, punk” Bucky smiles back at him. “Scoot! Do you want me to kiss it better?”

“You’re not gonna kiss my sprained ankle, Bucky.” He can see the smirk coming on from miles away.

“Okay, maybe I’ll stay away from your smelly feet. But I’ll still make you feel better.” And then he feels the big wet one Bucky plants on his forehead.

“Ugh, gross, Buck! Don’t spit all over me!” he giggles, and pats the bed. “Come on, tell me a story”

 

**13**

 

Steven Grant Rogers is 13 years old. He’s stopped counting the days. Today, he wishes he could be alone.

 

…

 

“Come on, Rogers, stand up. You’re making me look bad, hitting someone who doesn’t even fight back!”

He hears the voice of the bully, but can’t really tell which one it is while he’s lying on the ground with his arms shielding his face. Rumlow probably, Pierce usually doesn’t get physical. Maybe it’s someone else, he doesn’t even know anymore. He just knows he saw a group of them shouting at Peggy Carter, the girl who sits next to him in his history class, in the hallway during lunch hour. He’s never actually spoken to her, but she’s got a reputation. One time, he heard some people in the hallway say that she had punched Armin Zola in the face. He’s pretty sure she had a good reason for that. So sure, Peggy could handle herself just fine, but he couldn’t just stand by and let it happen. So he had interfered. Very stupidly, he had walked in front of Alexander Pierce and his minions and told them to back off. The school bell had saved him then, but that had been several hours ago.

It’s after school now, and the group of them had cornered him behind the gym while he was walking to the bus stop.

“You can stop now.” He recognizes Pierce’s voice now. “It’s only funny for the first 10 minutes. What’s the point if he’s just lying there. Let’s go.”

He waits. Thinks about how many kisses Bucky will have to give to make this feel better. When he thinks enough time has passed, he takes his arms away from his face and lies on his back. While trying to get his breathing at a regular pace again, he whispers, “Bucky?”

He hears someone shuffling out from behind the dumpsters. “Yeah, bud. I’m here. What can I do t-” Bucky starts, but stops and disappears again when Steve hears a sound of someone coming their way.

“Steve?” he hears a female voice saying. “Are you out here?”

Then, she rounds the corner and Steve recognizes Peggy from his spot on the ground. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Pierce and his puppets just walked by and I heard them talking about you.” she says, and helps him sit up. Then she takes a seat next to him. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“What, get beaten up? It wasn’t on my schedule either,” he says sarcastically, but he sees the look on her face and stops.

“You know what I mean, Steve. I can take care of myself, you fool.” She shoves his shoulder lightly and looks at the ground.

“Yeah, I know.” He tries to stand up and winces. With a little help from Peggy, he manages to stand up straight. “I just don’t like bullies.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get you to the nurse, okay?” she says playfully. “Although I’m guessing your pride took the most hits today.

“Very funny, Carter.”

They both walk towards the nurse’s office, without looking back.

 

**15**

 

Steven Grant Rogers is 15 years old and in love. Or maybe just **_in like_** , he doesn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. He just had his first date. With Peggy Carter. And, it went a lot better than expected. He managed to only make a fool of himself three times, so not bad at all. He comes home and throws himself on his bed. He feels like he might explode if he can’t tell anyone about his night. Then he gets a stray thought.

“Bucky?” he whispers.

There’s no answer.

 

**18**

 

Steven Grant Rogers is 18 years old and bored out of his mind. It’s the middle of the summer and the only reasonable thing to do in this heat is to lay on his bed all day. He is alone, but no longer lonely. He has got a great group of friends, courtesy of that time he tried (and failed) to have a relationship with Peggy Carter. They went out a few times, but eventually they both decided it didn’t feel right. They’ve been best friends ever since. And really, that just meant that Peggy’s friends adopted him into the group.

Yes. He’s not lonely anymore.

 

…

 

He hears it before he sees it. A loud clack of thunder before the inevitable flash of lightning lights up his whole room.

“Steve! Come help me with the laundry! I left it outside to dry!” He hears his mom shouting from the kitchen. He drags himself out of bed, but quickly runs outside to the wash line, and then it hits him. It literally hits him. Lightning strikes and all he sees next is darkness.

 

…

 

He’s hallucinating. He must be hallucinating. This awful vision can’t be real life. He sees a man, a familiar looking man, falling down. He keeps on falling and falling, until finally the ground comes in sight and -

“ _ **Steve**_!” Someone’s shaking him.

“Steve, wake up, honey!” He sees his mom standing over him. Why does she looks so scared? What happened? She’s just standing there, wide-eyed and confused. He starts to panic. What on earth happened to make his mother look at him like that?

He shouldn’t panic. He should try to calm down, otherwise he might get heart palpitations. Laying on the ground is clearly not helping, so he jumps up and hugs her to calm her (and himself) down. That doesn’t seem right. He can’t just jump up. He has to lift himself up gently, so he doesn’t get dizzy. Something’s off about this hug. Why does she seem so tiny?

He finally glances at his arms and backs off right away.

“What the hell?! What the actual hell!”

It’s like he leveled up or something. His arms are twice the size they used to be, he’s grown at least a foot and his shirt doesn’t seem to fit anymore. He’s hulked out, only not green, less angry, and more confused.

“Mom?” He asks. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, hun, but let’s get you inside.” He holds onto her for dear life. Who’s gonna kiss this better?

 

 


	2. James Buchanan Barnes

**24**

 

James Buchanan Barnes is 24 years old. He isn’t aware of that, though. He is currently unconscious in a hospital bed. Hospital staff have actually started to ignore him when they pass him by, considering he hasn’t moved in the last 6 years.

He was found by the side of the road, the day after the freak storm of ‘09, with a completely mangled arm. No one knows where he came from, there was no ID on him, and it’s not like they could ask him. There was a police investigation of course, but the only witness coming forward said he saw him fall out of the sky. There was no one looking for him, and the DNA trail led to the Barnes family. Unfortunately, there was no trace of them. The investigation into James Buchanan Barnes (his name, according to the DNA results) was closed soon after that.

So, for the last 6 years, James Buchanan Barnes has been asleep. Until today.

 

…

 

He is dreaming. He must be dreaming. He sees a sweet little boy in a hospital bed. He’s nearly coughing his lungs out. “Someone restrain him!” he hears.

“Hold him down!”

Wait a minute. That’s not in his dream. He opens his eyes and finally realizes that he’s shaking.

He also notices he’s surrounded by people in scrubs and white jackets. ‘Hospital’, he thinks, he must be in a hospital. He looks around and finds himself in a room not too different from the one in his dream. Okay, so now he freaks out.

“Mister Barnes,” someone says, “I need you to calm down. If you can’t calm down, we will have to sedate you.” He spots the needle.

Calm down. Try to calm down. One of these people will have a reasonable explanation for this. Something shiny catches his eyes, and he looks down at himself. That’s when he spots _the entire metal arm attached to his body_.

“Oh my god!” he screams. “What is that?!”

“Nurse, sedate him please.”

He drifts off then, with the image of the metal arm fresh on his mind.

 

**25**

 

James Buchanan Barnes is 25 years old and is slowly getting used to this world he (literally) fell into. He still doesn’t know where he came from, what his backstory is, but he’s been out of his coma for a year now and life is good. He has stopped his physical therapy lessons, because he can handle the arm, but he still has therapy sessions to clear his head of troubles and to try and regain some of those lost memories. So far they’ve come up with nothing.

 

…

 

He’s just finished his monthly meeting with Michelle, his therapist, when he decides he’s earned himself a nice toothache-inducing cup of coffee. Standing in line at the coffee shop, he decides he might change up his order this time, see what he hasn’t tried yet.

He hears him before he sees him. A voice that rings in his ears, that gives him chills down his spine. He looks around to see where the voice came from and that’s when he spots him. The single most handsome man he has seen in his entire life (not that he can remember much of that). The man is built like a brick house, but has such a friendly face. It surprises him how much he likes the look of him, considering he’s convinced he’s into smaller men. But this man… he just does things to him. He probably should have stopped staring at him through his little revelation, because the man just glanced his way. He totally noticed him, oh shit. Look ahead, just look ahead.

He gets his order and turns to step out the shop, but he runs into a wall. A man-shaped brick wall, and he would be freaking out about that if he wasn’t freaking out about the scolding hot coffee all over his front.

“Shit, oh fuck, this burns!”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He glances up then, and is temporarily distracted from the burn that formed on his chest when he sees the man in front of him.

Of course it’s that guy, the one that’s so beautiful James loses his ability to speak in actual sentences.

“Uhm…” Nice start. “It’s… uhm.” Snap out of it, Barnes, what are you, twelve?

He shakes his head to clear his mind, and starts over. “It’s okay, really, it’s stopped burning already.”

It hasn’t.

“I’m really sorry, can I at least buy you a new coffee?” the man says. Or at least that’s what James thinks he says, he’s a little distracted by the man’s lips. He looks up to stare into the man’s eyes, and notices his smirk. He totally saw him staring. This couldn’t possibly get more embarrassing.

“Yes!” he nearly shouts. “I mean, yes, I could use another coffee.”

 

…

 

It’s 2 hours later and they’re still chatting in the coffee shop. The man’s name is Steve, and he is even friendlier and sweeter than his face made him out to be. James thinks he’s in love already.

“Oh crap, it’s 6 PM already?” Steve says, after glancing at his phone. “I need to head out, but let’s do this again soon, yeah? You’ve got my number now, let me know when you’re free or something.” He smiles and looks so genuinely nice, James whines a little. Just a little bit, and barely loud enough to hear, he hopes.

They say their goodbyes, and James walks home with a skip in his step.

 

…

 

They meet every few days, and James is feeling himself fall in love with Steve more and more after each date. He can’t speak from much life experience, but he has never gotten along so well with someone after such a short time span.

 

…

 

They have their first kiss after their third date. Steve’s walking James home, under heavy protest from him, because he doesn’t need protection, Rogers, he’s not a damsel in distress.

They arrive at his front door and stare at each other a little awkwardly.

“So…” Steve starts.

“So…” James is feeling butterflies in his stomach, and can feel a nervous giggle coming on. When did he turn into such a teenager? His heart is pounding with excitement.

He looks at Steve’s eyes and notices they’re staring at his mouth. He instinctively does the same and watches Steve’s lips part slightly. He bites his own lip as Steve’s hands move towards his jaws. Steve pulls him in, and James puts his arms around Steve’s waist. Steve uses his hold on James’ face to turn his head a little and then their lips are touching. The initial weirdness ebbs away as their lips are gliding over each other, and they both sigh into the kiss. When they part, it’s with flushed cheeks and smiling eyes.

James’ voice shudders a little when he says goodbye, trying and failing to hide how much the kiss has affected him. He has honestly never been this happy.

 

…

 

“Okay, you know this is a weird place for a date, right?”

They’re standing in front of an animal shelter. James felt so proud when he thought of the place for a date, considering Steve had decided where they went on their previous outings. Inspiration had struck suddenly, when his mind went to a weird place and compared Steve to a big Labrador. So of course, he needed to check this in person. The plan was to get Steve next to a Lab and also possibly to take a lot of pictures. For science reasons.

But now the nerves are getting to him a little.

“Wait, like ‘bad weird’? Because we can totally go somewhere else, I mean, I did call the lady already to see if we could stay a while, but …” James rambles on.

“James, come here, you big goof,” Steve smiles, and pulls him in. “Good weird, I promise. Just not what I expected. I like it though! Let’s go inside. We don’t want the lady to get worried,” Steve teases.

A smirk from James, a little peck on the lips (maybe three), and then they head inside.

After quickly scanning the place, there don’t seem to be any Labradors in the shelter. So that plan has gone off course slightly. But James is easily distracted.

He gasps. “Steve! Look at this one!”

Steve’s expression is one of absolute horror, which just makes James chuckle. Why would he be so disgusted by a cute dog?

“No, James, I’m not coming near that thing.” The look of horror is not budging an inch.

“Why not? Look at his little grumpy face! And all those wrinkles, how can you not think this is the cutest thing ever?” James is cuddling the dog by now, and he’ll probably have a hard time letting go of the huggable bear-sized mutt.

“I just don’t like Bulldogs, James, I don’t care where they’re from.”

“Oh, no. This is a real shock, Steve.” James loves it when he’s the one doing the teasing for once. “I mean, I don’t know if we can keep this relationship going. I didn’t know you had such bad taste.”

“I’m dating you, right? You really should have guessed that by now.” Steve teases right back. “Come on, let’s go look at the cats.”

“ _Steve_! Say it ain’t so!”

 

…

 

“Steeb” he whispers from under the blanket on Steve’s couch. Well, as much as you can whisper when you’re nose is stuffy and your throat is a little closed off. “Steeb” he tries again, a little louder this time.

Steve seems to have super-hearing, because he’s at his side immediately. “Hey bud, how are you doing?”

“Promise me you’ll keep all cats away from me at all times, please. Cats are evil creatures.” he pouts. “I feel like I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying, you big baby.” Steve smirks. “So you’re a little allergic, now we know.”

“I would insult you, but I feel too weak for that. You’re talking to a broken man.”

“Aww.” Steve hugs him tight and whispers in his ear. “Then I will try… to fix you.”

“Coldplay? Really? Oh my god, you’re a terrible person!”

Steve laughs as he walks back to the kitchen, hopefully to make him a cup of tea.

 

…

 

They’re at Steve’s place, cooking dinner together. Steve is cooking some ground beef, while James is cutting vegetables for the sauce. He may get a little distracted though, staring at the way Steve’s shoulder blades move in his tight t-shirt when he’s stirring the meat. So distracted even, he cuts his finger instead of the carrot on the cutting board in front of him.

“Fuuuuu….” he trails off. “No carrots in the sauce, Steve.” he says, and sucks on his finger.

Steve has turned the beef off already, and is at his side immediately. “Let me see, James.”

He studies the faulty digit and assures him. “Just a knick. You want me to kiss it better?” he smirks.

James steps backwards until he hits the counter. Steve has done the same opposite him, losing the smirk with every second that passes.

Suddenly he’s flooded with memories. Memories of two boys reading comics in a child’s bedroom, of playing on the playground, of comforting each other in a hospital bed. Memories of watching someone get beaten up, without being able to do anything about it. Memories of Steve. Of _him_ and Steve.

He stares at the shocked expression on Steve’s face.

“ _Bucky_?”

 


	3. I Know You

“Bucky?”

It takes him a second to realize it was him who said it. Steve’s mind is all over the place, reminding him of things that seem like dreams, but feel so _real_. What the hell is happening?

 

…

 

Steve is 13 years old. Exactly 13 years. He just had a nice meal with his mom, and is now in his room, anxiously waiting for Bucky to arrive. He doesn’t have to wait long, because there he is, stepping out of his closet.

“Happy birthday, you punk!” He says, while jumping on the bed and kissing Steve’s cheeks. Right cheek, left cheek and then right again. “Did you have a nice day?”

“Thanks, Buck.” He smiles, wiping off the non-existent spit on his face. “Sure, it was fun. I missed you though.”

“Missed you too, bud. But I’m here now! What do you wanna do?” Bucky throws his arm around Steve and gets comfortable on the bed.

“Actually,…” He’s squirms a little, preparing himself for embarrassment. “Can I ask you something silly?”

Bucky gets that worried look on his face again. “Sure, Stevie, what’s up?”

“It’s kind of embarrassing, but… do you know anything about kissing? Like, for real kissing, not on the cheeks or something.” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. This is a topic that should have remained in his head.

Bucky has a little smile on his lips, but it doesn’t feel condescending. “Stevie, I know about as much as you do. Why are you asking me this? What happened?”

“I don’t know, I was just thinking… Like, what if next year in school I meet someone I like, and they want to kiss, and I’ll be terrible at it, and I’ll just embarrass myself and everyone will find out and laugh at me and-“

“Steve!” Bucky interrupts. “Buddy, you gotta stop thinking so hard about it. That’s a big if you just said. So you’re scared people will laugh at your first kiss?” He sits a little straighter. “You just gotta have your first kiss in private then.”

Steve looks up at him then. “What do you mean, in private? Like to practice?” He gathers his courage. “Would you help me practice, Buck?”

That was risky. Bucky’s his best friend, sure, he’s always there for him. But Steve isn’t sure if he’s crossing a line here. He’s quickly assured by Bucky’s smiling eyes.

“Sure, let’s try it. If we’re bad, we’re bad. No one needs to know about it, and you know what they say, practice makes perfect!”

Steve’s suddenly a ball of nerves, but he can tell Bucky’s a jittery mess too. They sit and face each other on the bed. Then Steve decides to just go for it and leans forward with his eyes closed and mouth puckered. Bucky clearly must have done the same, because their lips brush lightly. So do their noses, but not as lightly.

“Ouch” Bucky laughs, rubbing his nose. “Well, they can’t say you’re not enthusiastic.”

“Shut up, jerk” Steve feels the blush on his cheeks. That could have gone better. He’s glad he gets to practice with Bucky, because that would have been embarrassing in public.

“Try again, Steve. Come on, just avoid the nose this time.” Bucky teases, but he looks sincere.

It’s better this time. Their noses just miss each other, and their lips brush. They stay like that for a few seconds, until Steve leans back again. “How was that?”

Bucky has a strange look on his face. “Uhm, yeah… Much better, Stevie. I’m sure whoever you’ll kiss will be satisfied with that. Just, uhm... Can we do something else now?”

He feels a little smug at the compliment and steps off the bed. “Sure Buck. Look, mom got me a new Captain America comic for my birthday!”

He sits down on the bed again, but Bucky seems to be keeping a little distance between them. Something’s wrong, but Steve can’t quite put his finger on it.

 

…

 

“Bucky?” He repeats. “What’s going on?”

He sees James (no, it’s Bucky, this is Bucky) go pale. And then Bucky runs towards the bathroom and closes the door. After thinking about it, he decides to let him have some time to himself, and goes to sit on his couch.

His mind is all over the place, but after a few minutes of freaking out in his living room, he knows he should talk to Bucky about this.

“Bucky? Can I come in?” He’s waiting at his bathroom door, hoping Bucky is okay in there.

The door opens a little, and Steve pushes it open further.

“Stevie? What is this?” He looks so freaked out, Steve can’t stop himself from going over and hugging Bucky close to his chest.

“Let’s figure this out together, ‘kay Buck?”

Bucky nods at his chest, hanging on tightly.

They walk over to the couch like that, holding on to each other for dear life.

After sitting in silence for a few excruciating seconds, Steve decides to just go for it.

“You’re Bucky. You’re my friend. You have been my friend since I was 4 years old.” Three nods from Bucky.

“You’re Stevie. You’re that tiny little punk who couldn’t stop getting in fights and who read comic books with me whenever he was feeling down.” Bucky still looks like he can’t believe what’s going on here.

“And you left me when I was 13.” Steve continues. That gets Bucky looking up immediately.

“I did not leave you!” Bucky exclaims. “You let go of me, Rogers! I loved you, and you dropped me as soon as Peggy Carter showed interest in you, and you never even looked back!”

“Wait, you loved me?” Steve asks, probably looking as shocked as Bucky was a few minutes ago.

“Of course I loved you, you punk, is that all you just heard? You were my best friend!”

Steve’s mind is going a mile a minute. “No, that didn’t sound like the ‘friend’ kind of I love you, Buck. You really loved me?”

Bucky’s gone red in the face and refuses to answer.

“Buck?” Steve reaches out and lifts Bucky’s chin up. “What are you thinking right now, please tell me.”

“Of course I loved you.” Bucky whispers. “You don’t even know how much, Steve. And then one day we decided to kiss for fun and games, but it wasn’t, not for me. You kissed me and I loved you even more. But it couldn’t happen. It wasn’t real, _I_ wasn’t real. So you know, I just… dealt with it. And then you met Peggy, and you didn’t need me anymore. You had real friends, people who could go outside with you whenever you wanted, people who could protect you. People you could tell your mom about.”

“Bucky,… I-“ Steve starts.

“No, don’t, Steve. I can’t handle your pity right now. I think we both need some time to think about what’s going on.” Bucky says, sounding defeated. “I need to process all of this and I clearly can’t do that here. I’m going home.”

He leaves without saying goodbye. Just a turn at the door, a faked smile, and then he’s gone.

 

…

 

Steve is fidgeting, he knows he is. He’s nervously waiting at the door, scared to ring the bell. Apparently, he’s not a very quiet pacer, because the door opens anyway. And Sarah Rogers steps in sight.

“Hey, mom.”

“Come in, sweetie, you’ll catch a cold.” She smiles, knowing he doesn’t get sick anymore.

After he hangs his coat, takes off his shoes and hugs his mother, they settle on the couch with warm drinks in hand.

“I know you, Steve, so I will be frank. Something’s wrong and I don’t feel like fishing for answers. We are going to sit here, very comfortably on this sofa, drink our coffees, until you get the nerve to tell me what’s going on. And I want you to know I love you, son. Nothing you can ever say or do will change that.”

Steve’s glad his mother knows him so well. Glad he doesn’t have to explain why it takes him 5 minutes to actually say something again.

“Can I ask you a question? It’s gonna sound weird, but I really need your advice on this.”

His mother sits straighter, and smiles. “Sure Steve, ask away.”

“When I was little, do you remember me talking about another boy? A friend of mine?”

Sarah puts down her coffee, and gets a very serious look on her face. “Is this about Bucky?”

Steve looks up, shocked. “You know about him? How?”

“Didn’t I just tell you I know you?” She smiles. “You’re not the first person in the world to have an imaginary friend, honey. I never said anything, because he clearly helped you. All those times you had to stay inside, or stay in bed because you were too sick… you had a friend with you. I was happy you had someone to escape reality with.”

Steve is lost for words. His mother had known, the entire time. He doesn’t know if that makes the rest of the story any easier to tell.

“That’s not what you wanted to tell me, is it? What’s wrong?”

How can he explain this without sounding like a complete lunatic? He’s still wrapping his brain around everything himself. There’s no other choice but to just go for it, he supposes.

“Mom, Bucky’s real. He’s actually real, I met him a few weeks ago.” Steve prepares himself for his mother’s laughter, or pity even. He should have known not to underestimate her, though.

“Okay.” Sarah starts. “Tell me more.”

“What do you mean, ‘okay’? You believe me? Just like that?” He’s clearly making things worse for himself, but he can’t seem to shut up.

“Steve, do you want me to call you an idiot, because I _will_ call you an idiot.” She says exasperated. “Go on with your story. Tell me what happened.”

And so he tells her. He talks about how he first saw him in that coffee shop, looking like a movie star. How he had to go over and talk to him, because he couldn’t let that gorgeous, captivating man just leave his life right then. How they got along so well, surprisingly quickly, but never doubting the magic between them. How they just seemed to fit, like they were made for each other. How he felt fireworks in his stomach the first time they kissed, and every kiss after that. And how it all came to a halt in his kitchen, two days ago.

He wasn’t able to look his mom in the eyes when he was telling her, but he’s looking up now.

Sarah Rogers is uncharacteristically quiet for a long time. But when she speaks, she surprises Steve again.

“Why are you here, sweetie?” she asks.

“I told you, mom, I needed your advice.”

“No, honey, why are you _here_? Why are you telling _me_ all this, when you could be with him right now? You love him, you clearly love him, and you’re spending your afternoon talking to your boring old mother. Tell _him_.” She stands up then, and kisses him on the forehead.

“You believe me? You don’t think I’m making all of this up?” He has to ask, even though the expression on his mother’s face speaks louder than a thousand words.

“I started believing in miracles the day you woke up looking like a body builder, and not my sickly boy. There are a lot of things I don’t understand, Steven, but that doesn’t mean I can’t believe. Now go make miracles happen.” She pushes him towards the door. “And Steve?”

“Yeah, mom?” He waits, ready to sprint out the door.

“Invite him over for dinner some time. I’d like to meet the man who has saved my son’s life countless times.”

 

…

 

Okay, so he’s back to nervous pacing again. It’s a different door, one that doesn’t magically sense his presence. And so he knocks, three times, growing more nervous by the second. He feels like he might have a heart attack. That’s ridiculous, he doesn’t get sick. But what if he does now, this doesn’t feel right, hearts shouldn’t beat this fast, maybe he should-

“Steve.” He hears the sharp intake of breath and then it’s like his heart stops.

“Bucky.” He can’t help but smile at the sight of him. He looks so good. “I love you.”

Wait, that’s not how he planned this conversation. That was supposed to be his big closing argument. He sighs and raises his hands to rub at his eyes. “Wait, no, let me start over.”

He can’t identify the expression crossing Bucky’s face, but he hasn’t shut the door on him yet, so it can’t be that bad. “Can I come in? Please?”

After a nod from Bucky, he steps inside the small apartment and remembers the backpack hanging from his shoulders. “I’ve brought you a present. But maybe we should talk first?”

They both sit on the sofa in the center of the room, and wait for the other one to speak first.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Bucky starts, ending the awkward silence between them. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that the other day. I shouldn’t be upset that you didn’t feel the same way, and I just,… I’m sorry.”

“I’m an idiot.” Steve says, surprising the guilty look off of Bucky’s face. “I was an idiot for not seeing it then, and I’m an idiot for not having seen it till now. How can a person not realize they’re in love?”

Bucky smiles then, and shrugs. “That’s easy, Stevie, people do that every day.”

“But I realized.” Steve continues. “I realized that I have loved you since I knew what love meant, even before that. You have been the greatest part of my life since I was four years old, Buck, you have saved me over and over again. You have been there for me every step of the way, until, you were right, I wasn’t there for you anymore. But I never stopped needing you. Even when I didn’t remember you, there was a part of me missing, I could feel it. A giant hole in my heart where my best guy used to be. And I want him back. I need him back. Because now that I know you again, I can’t possibly go on without you in my life.” He feels the tears rolling down his cheeks, and sees Bucky is in a similar state. “You’ll never get rid of me, Buck, I won’t allow it.”

They both giggle through the tears. Bucky hauls him in for a tight hug.

“Why did you have to make such a big show of it, you punk.”

He can feel Bucky smile into his hair, and does the same.

“Because I love you, jerk. And I’m never gonna stop saying it.” He gets an idea then.

A quick kiss behind Bucky’s ear. “I love you.” A slower kiss on his jaw. “I love you.” A little nip at his chin. “I love you.”

Their noses brush, and Bucky raises his hand to cup Steve’s jaw.

“I love you too, Stevie.”

Then he darts forward and catches Steve’s lips in a kiss. His lips part of their own volition when Bucky demands entrance, and then their tongues are gliding together. They both feel it, the magic between them clear in the passionate embrace.

When Bucky pulls away, they both whimper at the loss of each other.

“Stevie…” He whispers and grins. “What’s in the bag?”

“Steve hooks his thumbs around Bucky’s jaws for a simple, firm press of lips. Then he gets off the couch to retrieve his backpack. He can tell exactly when Bucky realizes what he’s holding.

“I remember we used to love reading these as kids. And I thought, maybe you wanted to catch up on what you missed.” He gives Bucky the bundle of comic books. “These aren’t all of them of course, but we’re just getting started.”

How can he not have recognized Bucky’s smile before. It is the single most beautiful sight in the world, back when they were kids and standing before him now.

“Yeah. We’re just getting started.” Bucky says.

 

**26**

 

Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes are 26 years old. They are happy, healthy and in love. And in bed.

The sun is coming in through the gap in the curtains, but they’ve both been up for a little while.

“I swear to God, Rogers, you do not know your own strength. I’m gonna throw my back out one of these days, and you won’t be laughing so hard then.” He can’t help but laugh when he says it. “People will ask me, ‘what happened to you, mister?’, and I’ll have to tell them: Well, my boyfriend doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the words ‘slow and steady’, so he’s had the urge to fuck the life outta me. He’s been mildly successful.”

They’re both laughing out loud now.

“Shut up, Buck. You’re not the one with finger prints on his hip. Loosen your grip a little next time.” Steve smiles while he gets his breathing to calm down. “And you love it when I get a little rough with you. You’re insatiable.”

“I do love it.” Bucky says as he moves his body over Steve’s. Steve’s just wrapping his legs around Bucky’s waist when there’s a knock at the door. They both change into their sweatpants and t-shirts and are kissing and laughing their way towards the door. When Steve opens it, they are met by an impressive looking man with an eye patch.

“Mister Rogers. Mister Barnes. My name is Nick Fury, can I come in?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Steve starts, already closing the door slowly. “We don’t need anything, thank you.”

“I’m here to tell you about the Avengers Initiative. I trust you both recall the freak storm of 2009. I’m willing to bet I have your attention now.”

A quick look between them both, and then they step aside. “Come on in.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://itsstuckyupmybutt.tumblr.com/)!


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